Me: What is exactly in Texas?
Johnny: Humidity and Republicans
I need to try this out.
(via amberlynnbrown) (via loveloveyellow) (via txtsfrmlstnght) (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish Bellingham had a bubble tea place.
Meaning one that was open until 2:30 in the morning.
You have four years to be irresponsible here. Relax. Work is for people with...– Tom Petty
Just for the record, she still loves you. She wouldn’t bother to torture you if...– Chuck Palahniuk (via decreation) (via bethlehems)
Live every week, like it’s Shark Week.– Tracy Jordan (via bellavita)
my cousin and aunt visited my mom today.
Casey: we also sat in the taco time drive through for about 10 minutes today
Casey: and brought matt a corn dog
Sarah: that is a normal day for the kane family
Danny: Can I get a large black coffee?
Barista: A what?
Danny: Large black coffee.
Barista: Do you mean a venti?
Danny: No, I mean a large.
Barista: Venti is large.
Danny: No, venti is twenty. Large is large. In fact, tall is large and grande is Spanish for large. Venti is the only one that doesn't mean large. It's also the only one that's Italian. Congratulations, you're stupid in three languages.
Barista: A venti is a large coffee.
Danny: Really? Says who? Fellini? Do you accept lira or is it all euros now?
The sexiest parts of my body? My brain, my spine, and my guts.– (via bellavita)
I have been sexually rejected by not one, but two guys who later went to clown...– Liz Lemon (via avedanke)
reason #8456 why i love living with guys
Johnny: Hollllla vacation poon
Me: Hello loving room mate
Johnny: Is 18 to young?
Me: Do you want me to answer honestly?
Johnny: No please lie to me?
Me: Too young. Also, we're out of cock sauce. Bring home another bottle
Allison: That 650lb virgin sure is cute.
Me: I just died laughing.
Allison: I'm glad you enjoy my pathetic nature and ability to find the best in each person regardless of their previous rhinoceros stature
Me: (blank stare)
Allison: Shut the fuck up, Sarah
A lot of things can be read into it, but essentially it’s about the desire to be...– James Franco (via jessicachu)
The Definitive List Of Songs No Dude Should Have... →
Taking your call-in to-go order was the first time...
Thank you for ensuring the fact that you are still an asshole.
Eleven Hints for Life
(via kellyjay) (via bitchville) 1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel. 2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go. 3. The best kind of friend is the kind you...